BLOGGING GAME OF THRONES, S4E08: I've Got A Name

There are two songs in Westeros, and they are always competing for the number one slot on the Billboard Two. Sometimes, in darker seasons, "The Rains Of Castamere" holds the top slot. But most of the time, it's "The Bear And The Maiden Fair." Bestiality is just more palatable to most Westerosi than having to contemplate Tywin Lannister's increasingly mottled skin for six and half minutes.

So OK, was that the most delightful episode of Game Of Thrones of all time? Other than the absolutely gut-wrenching, sickening, gory conclusion, I mean? Let's table the skull-crushing for just a moment or two and talk about the good stuff. There was so much to celebrate:

• Grey Worm and Missandei! GREY WORM AND MISSANDEI FOREVER!
• Evil Sansa! EVIL SANSA FOREVER!
• Jaime's coinage of the phrase "Who gives a dusty fuck?"
• Dany failing to understand why anyone would be ashamed of public nudity, as well as the way she wonders aloud whether Grey Worm still at least has his grey worm, if not his grey...balls. Sorry, there's just not a metaphorical other half, there.
• Tyrion's long, Spaulding Gray-like monologue about his mentally disabled cousin. So out of character for this show, and yet so welcome!
• Arya's howl of laughter when she reaches yet another family member just after their death--See, that was the kind of black-comic atmosphere that should have accompanied Lysa's fall last week. Arya just gets it, okay?

At the top of the episode, Ygritte and her gang, never the most inconspicuous of sleeper cells anyway, announce their presence to the Night's Watch by invading a nearby town and severely reducing the world's population of sarcastic prostitutes. Shoutout to that shot of blood raining down through the floorboards. Quentin Tarantino saw that and he was like "Fuck!"

Ramsay Bolton (née Snow) uses Theon as bait to lure a bunch of Ironmen to slaughter and win his daddy another Northern castle. Theon's Stockholm syndrome is pretty bad, but I'm also a little worried about my own, y'all. Iwan Rheon is a very compelling actor, and when his father Michael officially welcomes him to the Bolton family, I was really happy for him! Meanwhile, in Nightvale, Littlefinger and Sansa are amping up the weird, manipulative sexual tension. Who is the dom and who is the sub anymore? Can either of them even tell? Is that what makes it hot for them? What happens is, Sansa saves Littlefinger by unveiling a spectacular gift for doubletalk, telling the elders of The Vale a lot of truth about herself while claiming that Lysa committed suicide. They buy it, and pretty soon she and Petyr and prepping to drag Lil' Tigermilk out into the world, where they can hopefully shove him into a pond or something and be done with it.

Mereenwhile, Missandei and Grey Worm are making a play for Best Couple In Westeros, but coming in close behind them is the spectacular union of Dany and Pure Icy Hatred. Remember how, long ago, Jorah was selling trade secrets to Varys? Remember also how that fact pops up every five or six episodes like the plot equivalent of a snooze button? Well they finally, and for no particular reason, pull the trigger. Dany finds out and banishes Jorah, and even though it's a bummer, it's also kind of rad. Angry Dany is worth celebrating in any and all contexts. Isn't it cool how contained and laser-focused Dany's rage and contempt has become over the years? She's doing some fucking prescription-strength hissing these days. Respect.

Finally, the trial by combat for the head of Tyrion Lannister begins, and ends, and ends very badly. Ricky Martell overplays his hand, and after Inigo Montoya-ing the Mountain almost to death (to the visible delight of Jaime, who needs a better poker face. "Poker? I'm not even related to her!"-Jaime) instead gets his skull gorily crushed. A major character hasn't died that explosively since like, Viserys. And that guy deserved it way more! Pour one out for Ricky Martell tonight, gang. Not so much living la vida loca so much as la vida Lorca. What the hell am I even saying anymore? This has been a long season.