BLOGGING MAD MEN, Season 7 Episode 3: Parenthood

Don goes to the movies alone ("Model Shop," if yr curious--it's about a divorcee wandering around LA. Probably doesn't signify anything, right?) which is an underrated activity. But of course he's still calling the office and asking after his ex-girlfriend, advertising. Dawn tells him they're shooting a commercial for Mountain Dew at SC&etc called "Invisible Boy," which sounds like an MRA propaganda film or something (obviously not a bad marketing strategy for Mountain Dew). He also finds out that Frankie Funke's been leaving him messages about how Megan is acting like a coked-up monstrosity all over tinsel town and that he needs to come talk some sense into her. ROAD TRIP!

Don gets on an airplane, and a flirty stewardess reminds him and all of us that if we ran a blacklight over the interior of that or any other contemporary cabin we'd find ten thousand semen stains spelling out his initials. But he's a married man now, and his trainwreck of a (not particularly-) long-suffering wife needs confronting!

Meanwhile, Peggy is upset because her ad didn't get nominated for a Clio. God, I wonder how many thousands of percents The Clio Awards have risen in Name ID thanks to Mad Men. They really got the opposite of poor Jaguar, huh?

Jaguar's Spring 2015 ad campaign

Eventually she finds out that she didn't get nominated because Evil Mr. Rogers didn't even submit her work, or any work created prior to his reign of terror. Which is some severely understandable bullshit. I mean, I'm irritated by the way Ted Chaough and his ilk have been going about marking their territory, but I also understand. They threw in their hats with a real gang of cutthroat motherfuckers. Come at Sterling Cooper, you best not miss! Elsewhere, Harry is campaigning for a computer--his insecurity levels are so high these days that he needs to literally fill a room at SC&Etc with a throbbing, humming symbol of his relevance. But he's got the future on his side. That motherfucker always does. Isn't that so annoying?

Megan comes home and finds Don in her kitchen and does a pretty good job of stifling her gasp of horror. "Did you get fired?" she asks, and Don coughs "Technically almost a year ago" really fast and then fucks her. When he tries to broach the subject of her behavioral issues, she sarcastically and justifiably calls him "Daddy." Maybe the themes of parental angst didn't need to get THAT explicit, but maybe they did! And there's a lot more coming. Anyway, Megan turns it around HARD on Don, asking why he's never in the office when he calls. She thinks he's cheating on her, but really, he's just hiding his unemployment and fledgling sobriety. Which is kind of worse. At least it is the way Megan spins it. She's REALLY GOOD at arguing! Game recognize game!

Betty has a conversation with Francine, who will always be Precious from Friends to me, and who is a travel agent now to remind us that this show takes place in a bygone era, with landlines and no pop culture blogs. Later, Betty travels with Bobby Draper (who, as you know, regenerates in different forms every few years, like Doctor Who) on a school field trip, in order to be weird about lunch and pass her food issues on to the next generation. Somewhere, right now, Marc Maron is pushing pause on his DVR and running for a notebook.

Back in New York, Don has a meeting with another ad agency. A woman comes up and throws herself at him so hard she leaves lipstick stains on the wall over his shoulder, but the ad men insist she's not on their payroll. What's up with all the woman coming up to Don and almost literally tugging on his dick lately? Is this kind of like how a lightbulb gets real bright just before it burns out?
Don goes to Roger Sterling's penthouse with an offer from another agency in hand, which seems like something he could have done a long time ago. Roger just shrugs and tells him to come back to work tomorrow. Huh. That doesn't seem too good to be true or anything, does it?

Of course it does, but Don shows up the next day anyway, and the divorced family dynamics kick in hard. Stan and Ginsberg, falling into the younger sibling role, invite Don into the lounge and catch him up on their work. Peggy, America's older sister, is hostile and alarmed at his unwelcome presence in her fragile, slowly-repairing broken home. The executives panic and wring their hands about how to handle him, except Roger, who doesn't even show up for hours. It's some seriously A+ cringe theater, and it culminates in a meeting in the conference room with Joan reading Don the Riot Act to end all Riot Acts. He agrees to a contractual neutering with a smile on his face, and we end on one of the weirdest notes Mad Men has ever sounded (like, "This Could Be Our Year" could have started playing again and it wouldn't have been any weirder).  -ZL