BLOGGING GAME OF THRONES, S2E10: Theraflu

God damn, guys. This is such a good show. I've been having an affair with Homeland over on my Tumblr, but now I'm having my tearful reconciliation with my old love. "Valar Morghulis" is so baller, especially the scene from which it takes its name, in which Murder Genie tries to recruit Arya for his team of invincible superkillers. Arya's not finished doing her whole Kill Bill thing though, so he takes his leave. But not before transforming into a whole other dude like it's nothing. WHOA. Murder Genie is the greatest, and I'm sad to see him depart. God go with you, Jaqen H'ghar. Hopefully Arya isn't finished with you yet.

So OK, is every season going to end with Dany righteously murdering a few people? I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but clearly this is a trend. Our girl goes to the House Of The Undying, the architect of which is apparently Zack Snyder, and has a wonderful, tender, hallucinatory (probably) visit with Khal Drogo. It's very Six Feet Under. Remember when Claire catches up with Gabe's ghost in the cemetery?  It's on that level. But next thing we know, she's chained up, and Cancer Moby is running his mouth. No matter how you feel about Dany's uneven and occasionally nonsensical plot this season, I KNOW you were psyched when her dragons up and BURNED that motherfucker down. YES! Then Dany and Last of The Mohicans find out that General Ducksauce was lying about his riches, and there's probably some kind of lesson to be learned about the illusory intersection of money and power (shout out to Karl Rove, running scared right now), but what really matters here is that Dany locks him AND her hot servant in an empty vault and leaves them to slowly die. I didn't know a lady so comfortable with fire could also be so COLD, yo.

Speaking of cold, up beyond the wall, Jon Snow's fellow Watchman manages to goad Jon into killing him, which--as was pretty clearly foreshadowed (I mean, not even. Motherfucker said this whole plot point aloud two episodes ago)--allowed him to infiltrate the Wildling army. It'd be so rad if Sam Tarly was actually a mole for the Wildlings too, and then next season they played out some Departed-type shit. But I'm pretty sure Sam is dead, right? More on that in a sec.

Robb marries the Slutty Nurse, and that's pretty much all that happens with him. Lisbeth visits Tyrion, who has a big scar down his face and--adding insult to (admittedly baller) injury--has been stripped of all power now that Tywin is in town. She wants to skip town, tramps like us were born to run etc., but Tyrion maintains that his place is among the players of The Game. He sounds like a man accepting a death sentence, but more likely he's spelling trouble for his woman. Elsewhere, Lady Knight and Jamie Lannister are having Huck Finn-like adventures on their journey back to King's Landing, and that's sort of fun but again, that's as far as it goes. In the capital, Joffrey ceremoniously dumps Sansa in favor of Renly's ex. Sansa seems kind of pumped, but now I'm worried about her long term chances or survival.

Speaking of people with no long-term chance, Theon's own men attack him and bail on Winterfell, but not before mortally wounding Maester Luwin, which absolutely shattered my heart. I love that dude so much that when I recently re-watched David Fincher's Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, his scenes (the actor who plays him, not Maester Luwin himself, obvi) were the most compelling. OK, that's an exaggeration because Rooney Mara is THE BEST, but still. Maester Luwin! RIP. So is Theon dead or what? That is left irritatingly as an open question.

Stannis has a scene too, the purpose of which is mostly to show us that he is still alive. OK! Good for you, buddy. Way to not leave it all on the field. Which leads us to the final scene of the episode. 

Out beyond the wall, Sam and two other dudes are farting around per usual, when they hear three horn blasts. That, of course, is the official Night's Watch signal for HOLY SHIT SOMETHING INSANE IS GOING DOWN. The other, skinnier dudes run for the hills, and Sam takes refuge, cartoon-like, behind a rock. At which point his is surrounded by an ARMY OF ICE ZOMBIES ON THE MARCH FOR WESTEROS. Next season is going to be almost TOO GNARLY. We'll have to wait until March, though. JK I'm about to go read like ALL OF THESE BOOKS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Peace out, bitches.