BLOGGING GAME OF THRONES, S2E7: Your Honor, You're On Her

Episode 7 is called "A Man Without Honor," and while Game Of Thrones has plenty of those, today we're chiefly concerned with Theon Greyjoy and Jamie Lannister, two dudes majorly lacking in that department. So, OK, let's consider for a sec the kind of Shakespearean balancing act this series pulls off when it comes to the merits of honor: Being an honorable man is obviously an objective good like, always. But Ned Stark was an honorable man, and look where that shit got him. Killed! And yet, other, less honorable, folk have been able to effect a lot more positive change since his death. (When they weigh Tyrion Lannister in the balance, he won't be found wanting, you know? And that's not a joke about his size.)

This week we have Theon and Jamie both pulling some major dick moves. But oddly, while Theon's lack of honor distances us from him, Jamie's dick moves are so clever and compelling (and ballsy) that I find myself endeared to him. Dude brutally kills one of his cousins, and yet I was somehow rooting for him. How'd he do that?

It might be because his chief antagonist is Cat Stark, and reading the original book A Game Of Thrones, as I am doing right now, has completely turned me against her. When you have a little more insight into her motivations and thoughts, she comes across as totally self-centered and weirdly unloving, right (or am I the only one this happened to)? Seeing Tyrion and Jon where they are now in the show and reading her shitty treatment of them earlier in the book especially stacks the deck against her. Reading the books and catching up with what you've already seen on the show while still FINISHING the show is kind of problematic, but what can you do? We're here now. This is happening. Winter is coming.

It might also just be that the show seems to be softening toward the non-Tyrion Lannisters anyway. We see a different side of Queen Eyebrow this week, after Sansa has her period for the first time (and after she and Lisbeth Salander fail to hide it from her handlers--she can theoretically bear Ladyboy's children/hooved beasts now, after all). Cercei levels with Sansa: everything about being married off and being forced to have children sucks, except for the children. You will love your kids, and you can try to love your husband, she says. Sansa is either too dumb or too scared to engage with Cercei on a human level, which feels like a smart move right now. But it won't later. Sansa has another weird scene with The Hound, who rather stiffly articulates his raison d'etre. I can't figure out if it's the writing or the acting that is bad here, but it is at least one of them. "Killing is real good," The Hound says, (basically). "I like killing and I don't like things that are not killing." Sansa is like, cool story bro, and we're like NEXT SCENE PLEASE BRO.

Over the wall and through the woods, Jon is still hanging out with the Wildling, and she basically talks about his dick for an entire episode. I'm not even kidding. She notices his erection while they're sleeping (totally natural, Jon! Don't beat yourself off about it!) and proceeds to make an in-depth inquiry into Jon Snow's jerk off schedule (my new band name). And I think maybe loudly talking about dicks is how the Snow Hoboes communicate, because after a while they're set upon by a troop of her compatriots. It makes perfect sense to me that in Game Of Thrones town, you get punished for being a prude. I sort of feel like Jon will figure his way out of being captured, though. His wolf will just show up and eat someone's face and we'll be good.

In fact, it's hard to feel like anybody is particularly threatened at this point in the series. At the end of this episode, something shocking and horrible happens, but I when I watched it I was 90% sure it was a fake-out and I was right. The only thing I'm stressed about is the same thing Tyrion is stressed about: Stannis's forthcoming invasion of King's Landing. (Of course, Tyrion is worried about The Realm, and I'm only worried about Tyrion.) Several times in this episode we see him trying to formulate a plan, but his brain trust only consists of Baldy McNodick and Bro(nn). How fucked is King's Landing that these three dudes seem to be the only ones who care? It's fun to be a fly on the wall of their war room, though, except for a weird beat where Tyrion seems to rather happily endorse the use of the artificial fire that so appalled him a few episodes ago. In later episodes, we'll see him treating the weapons with more gravity again, which makes his temporary giddiness feel all the more like a strange lapse in writing consistency.

SPEAKING OF STRANGE LAPSES IN WRITING CONSISTENCY: DANY. Still in Qarth, the Mother of Dragons is suddenly back to doubting her claim to the throne and all that jazz. I mean, sure, sister was just dealt a pretty major blow to her self esteem when her dragons got kidnapped, but now her obsession with birthright seems even more like a 24 hour flu.* She joins Ducksauce Warbucks at a meeting of The Thirteen, who are essentially the Qarth city council. Or, they were. Because Ducksauce and his bald sorcerer friend Cancer Moby kill all of them and take over. For some reason! Ducksauce was in cahoots with Cancer Moby all along, see, and it turns out they're holding Dany's dragons in some kind of haunted house. SURE, OK! I'm just going to warn you right now: this is going to resolve in a satisfying way, but not one that makes any sense at all. Be ready to be cool with that.

(*Dany seems to literally repeat lines from episodes just after Draco was killed, which is the beginning of a larger, unfortunate trend in the last few episodes: irritatingly repetitive dialog. Characters re-articulate the themes of their respective arcs multiple times, like just in case you missed them the first time around. It's very weird for a show that normally extends A TON of credit to its audience.)

But for all the stuff the writers seem to be doing wrong lately, they're getting one thing right, and that is the evolution of Cercei as something more than a super-evil cunt. In the second-most compelling scene of this episode, she finally expresses doubt about her incestual activities and about her crazy-ass son the King. Shockingly, she spills her guts to Tyrion, who seems as surprised as we are. He tries, and fails, to comfort her while she cries by noting that two out of three of her incest babies don't seem insane at all. "You beat the odds," he says. Yeah, but, like, you really didn't have to buy that scratch ticket, girl.

Finally: the aforementioned dick moves (and no, I'm not talking about Jon Snow's twitchy boner). Jamie Lannister (this is the first most compelling scene, by the way) murders his cellmate and then a guard who checks on him, which ignites a wave of rage among the men in the Stark camp. Cat can't control it, and Robb is away negotiating a treaty with some dude. It becomes clear that Jamie Lannister is gambling his own life against Cat Stark's mercy (and nagging worry that, if Jamie dies, one of her kids will get got in retaliation). And it works: rather than see him killed by her own men, Cat sets Jamie free. Wow, this woman is REALLY TERRIBLE at keeping Lannisters captive! 0-2, Cat! Back up north, Theon calls the townspeople of Winterfell together to show them what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps: he's got two charred bodies that he claims are Bonus Jonas and Rickon the friendly ghost baby. For a moment, it is horrifying. And Maester Luwin's anguished cry when he sees the bodies cut through me like Valyrian steel. But wait: where are My Fair Lady and Hodor? Clearly this is a ruse, and Theon simply murdered some other kids. Move along, people. Nothing to see here. I mean, except for the murder of innocent children, but that's pretty par for the course at this point.