Welcome back! It's so great to see our friends again in the lovely kingdom of Westeros, right? And everything is the same as it ever was.
Not a lot really happens--what this episode is really about is what's NOT happening. Cersei isn't fucking Jaime, Tyrion isn't fucking Lisbeth Salander, and nobody is daring to fuck with the Hound and Arya. HOW MUCH FUN WAS IT TO WATCH THAT POLLIVER DICKHEAD SIT THERE WITH NO IDEA HE WAS ABOUT TO GET GOT!? Oh man. I'm getting ahead of myself.
We start with Tywin Lannister, gleefully and symbolically melting down Ned Stark's old sword and making two new ones out of it--a phallic imbalance that he's apparently comfortable with. Then we hang out around King's Landing for a while. Tyrion and the Swagger Gang await the arrival of a royal wedding guest, who sends his sexually experimental and aggressively violent weirdo brother in his stead. Tyrion is like, "Oh, cool." Plus, his new wife Sansa won't open her mouth to eat, and his former lover Lisbeth Salander won't close her mouth to have some fucking discretion. There's a lot of bad moons rising around our man T.
Out in the fields, Dany's dragons fight for their meals, and she prepares to invade yet another slave city. Kudos to the casting department for varying the skin tone among Dany's adoring followers, by the way! I see you, crackers! Good on you!
The battle for Jaime's soul wages rhetorically and expositorally (that's a word!) throughout this episode. Tywin disparages him, Joffrey mocks him, and Cercei won't even give him like, at least a quick handy. He's been on the road for a long time, sister. Help a brother out. But anyway it's pretty clear that Jaime is a good dude now, but what he's going to do with his good dude-ness is an open question.
Who else is even still alive? Up North, Jon Snow comes clean to the dickish Night's Watch council about all of his sexy sins. Maester Aemon is like, "I'm into it, we're cool." But I take it our boy Jon is going to have some trouble with those other two (you notice that the two asshole Night's Watch guys look like alternate WoolyWilly examples?) in the future.
We're blissfully free of Theon Greyjoy and Stannis Baratheon for the whole hour, and so we end rather spectacularly, with Arya and The Hound very charmingly killing a room full of bad guys. I'd be perfectly happy if these two just wander around bickering and having adventures for a whole season. They will fill the Rust and Marty-sized hole in my heart.
Between The Hound's
Wire line and the
Pulp Fiction joke in
Captain America,
it's been a great week for badass intertextuality.
How psyched are you that we have a whole new season stretching out in front of us? This is so great. I'm happy to be back. Hi!
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