This week on Game Of Thrones: everybody's fixing for revenge, pairing off in unexpected ways, getting kidnapped, or beheading someone. In fact, this might be the most exemplary episode of all time! It's like, "Yep, this is pretty much what this shit's all about."
We pick up with Arya, currently sweeping floors in what appears to be the worst ayahuasca temple in the seven kingdoms. Jaqen H'ghar is there, but he's less fun than usual. This is where it gets real for Arya, it seems, and in a show of self-sacrifice she throws most of her possessions into the ocean (including the coin, for the second time). Unable to part with her sword, she stores it in some rocks and hopes that the nearly omniscient H'ghar somehow missed that one. Well, hey, maybe he did (he definitely didn't)!
In King's Landing, King Tommen makes his first four or five king's landings inside Queen Marge, shortly after they've wed. Our girl M starts talking to Tommen about whether or not he truly wants his mother around town, where she will surely impede his ability to get it wet 24/7.
When Tommen test balloons the concept with Cersei and it Hindenburgs, Cersei interrupts Marge's brunch with her friends (She's the Samantha and the rest of the table is Mirandas) and the two of them throw enough shade back and forth that all of the marigolds on the table die instantly. You gotta keep them in full sun, guys. Cersei, in her desperation, turns to religion. Not as a source of solace, of course, but as a new potential avenue for power; when the High Septon is caught at a brothel, she tries to form a partnership with the hyper-devout Sparrows and their leader, Jonathan Pryce. Hi, Jonathan Pryce!
Littlefinger's latest plan becomes apparent when he brings Sansa to Moat Cailin, a castle on the outskirts of Winterfell. Bummer alert: he wants to marry Sansa off to motherfucking Evil Frodo Bolton. Of course, his aim and primary selling point to Sansa is that she can finally start taking an active role in avenging the death of her family. But how much knife-sex and looking at Theon will she have to endure before then? But you know, for every action there is a reaction, and because of the glorious union of Jaime and Bronn, I guess we're going to have to deal with this.
At the Wall, in a nice little bit of
Wire-style parallelism, Stannis tries once more to sell Jon Snow on a more straightforward path to similar vengeance. But Jon is settling in to his role as Lord Commander, and this week makes the first great decision of his administration. For Kennedy, it was establishing the Peace Corps; for Obama, it was maybe the Lily Ledbetter law; for Jon Snow, it was chopping Janos Slynt's head THE FUCK RIGHT OFF. Oh boy, that was
satisfying. He formally turns down Stannis's offer, but Stannis is like, "Yo, respect." Game (of thrones) recognize game (of thrones).
Brienne and Podrick are still tracking Sansa and Littlefinger, but they stop today to repair their friendship. That's an important part of every heroic duo's journey! Another one is "going to a brothel together," and this week Tyrion and Varys check that one off the bucket list. This brothel's specialty is apparently "Khaleesi cosplay," and so naturally Ser Jorah is there. Seeing Tyrion as his chance to get back in Dany's good graces, he kidnaps our man. That's where Tyrion was going anyway, ya big lug! This is going to end stupidly, I can tell already.
I teared up twice in this episode: when Brienne told her story about Renly and the ball, and when Arya was debating tossing Needle in the water - the latter a combination of Maisie Williams's performance and the passage in the book: “Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me 'little sister,' she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes.”
ReplyDeleteSansa and Ramsay... interested to see how that plays out. Hopefully it ends with a knife in his heart.